Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I am not okay, so don't ask. OK?
Why is it easier to read about other people suffering in silence through Nazi concentration camp and be inspired and even believe that they did, that God Blessed them abundantly for it and that somehow I may even be able to do the same, then for me to suffer my self inflicted sorrows for a day?
We are on the verge of foreclosing on our home, serious surgery for our almost 12 year old and a whole slew of daily inconveniences. Can I find a way to shut up and suffer? Can I please trade in my long list of disappointments(that grow by the h
I am looking for you Lord- I am in my private place of wilderness. Please hear my prayers, I am repenting of unforgiveness, unclean thoughts and cruel words.

My last dream before waking was me going from here to there with varying groups of people in different environments and asking everyone,"Where's Gerard?"
Gerard who? Butler of course.
How dumb! I don't know him, but I have fallen for his image of a fierce protector(SPARTA!!)hopeless Scottish romantic husband that dies young(P.S.I love you) and sexy bounty hunting ex husband who screws up a lot(The Bounty Hunter)
In my dream, I felt dumb for asking because I knew that he was coming, so I would laugh nervously every time I would ask where he was. I just couldn't wait.
maybe "Gerard" is my subconscious name for the Lord! Sorry if I have offended you Lord.
Save me Lord and I will be saved.

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