well that is what I would like to do today.
I just arrived home last night around 8 pm with a car load of road weary, hungry children and two dogs, to a locked,dark and empty house. After breaking in, through the front bedroom window with across the street neighbors watching avidly(sure they loved that, i know that i did)I proceeded to unload the car with lots of arguing and accusations, mostly of which were in my head.
I was so mad because my man wasn't home to greet me with a meal, flowers and praise for my awesomeness. He has been working like a dog for the past two weeks mostly out of town, until he returned on Friday and I had already been gone a day at that point. Every time I would start to mentally attack him for his inconsideration because I had to come home to a dark, empty house with no food, not even milk, I was immediately convicted that I had no right to such complaint since he cam home to the same thing a few days prior. But my mind couldn't let go. I lugged in the stuff, I cleaned up a bit and unpacked a little, saw my oldest son as he returned from a long day, grabbed my keys and headed out to the savior of cheap and easy dinners, Little Caesar's. I fielded a phone call(finally)from my man who was cheerful because he was done with work and we would see each other soon. I spoke coldly and hung up a little too quickly, hoping he'd notice my frustration. At the pizza drive thru I got my final revenge...I ordered 2 peps and 1 cheese, no 3 meat treat! My man hates the cheese only and loves the 3 meat treat. I justified it because it is cheaper, but I knew what I was doing.(Forgive me Lord)
On the way home from the drive thru, my Ramone wanted to hear one of my favorite songs, on the way there I made everyone listen to the wind blow through the sun roof as I burned with rejection and somehow now seemed like a good time for a song.
I conceded to listen to one song, one time(not easy for a 3 year old)and found myself being ministered to in the night air as Marvin Gaye and Tammy (someone) sang "Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby, if you need me call me, no matter where you are,no matter how far..."
This has taken on a new dimension as I just returned from the mountains and not too long ago(after my man had been away working for 2 weeks out of state)I had blasted this song and sung it to him with hand motions while driving. I was listening to it, and finding my heart tendered-my longing to be loved awakened, when what should I realize but that the big white pick up in front of me was being driven by my lover and friend. I cheerfully tailgated him all the way home, and we kept the windows down while blasting the next request, Justin Bieber"Shawty is an einy meeny mynee mo lover"
That's me all right, "Shawt" and constantly having to chose between loving myself first or choosing to love my man-
If it wasn't for Jesus, this wayward heart would have no hope,
Today, all I wanted to do was make love and stay in bed all day...but with a toddler, a band rehearsal, laundry, dishes and thin walls in cramped house with close neighbors(inside and out)...well, it's just not happening. I never thought that abstinence would be our best birth control method, we haven't chosen it willfully, that is fo'sure.
Maybe tonight's the night? Or tomorrow perhaps? Then there is always the next day...