Friday, April 22, 2011

18 weeks

and counting- though sometimes forgetting but that is getting more difficult since the simple pleasures like facing the kitchen sink head on and not having stains from my breasts down to my thighes from bumping into things and being able to hold my 3 yr old and have his arms and legs wrap all the way around me like a monkey are becoming faint memories as I adapt to my new "robust" figure. I am feeling lots of movement and sometimes realize it may be gas or a muscle spasm(esp when it is in my legs) and not always another human thrashing about in my belly. The movement is cool to behold, but I swear that this one feels like it is jumping and every time it happens I think of the story in the Bible when pregnant with Jesus Mary sees pregnant with John Aunt Elizabeth and he(John) leaps in her womb, she gets filled with the Holy Ghost and they both have a Praise session right then and there!

Luke 1:39-56 (King James Version)

"39And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda;

40And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth.

41And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost:

42And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.

43And whence is this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?

44For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy.

45And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.

46And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,

47And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

48For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

49For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.

50And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.

51He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.

52He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.

53He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.

54He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;

55As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.

56And Mary abode with her about three months, and returned to her own house."

That is not to say that I am carrying John the Baptist in my womb or anything, it is really just funny to me how God uses an everyday happening which one may take for granted to draw you to His Word and remind you of His Magnificence. I too rejoice when I feel what I know is big movement, an indicator of life within that there is no mistaking for. A miracle in the simplest way.

Monday, April 11, 2011


We are broke, more broke than i can remember being.We have run out of milk, which is okay since I think that we depend on it more than water sometimes. Now the kids are forced to drink water which is filtered but our filter is in need of replacing so it is trickling out very slowly. There is a 25 lb bag of rice on the counter that we have been dipping into daily and I think it will last a while longer. There is a little butter, a bit of oatmeal, 1 and 1/2 dozen eggs, frozen veges and a bit of frozen meat that I am not sure what it is, lurking in our kitchen. I have $6 and about 1/8 tank of gas. The children all have medicaid now til next year and my husband and I will have it for the next 6 monthes, so our medicine is plentiful and paid for. My pay as you go phone is out of order and I don't know when it will be on again. Car insurance is past due, Cable internet connection is down and modem gone. Trash pick up is due for payment to continue service, and I am sure that water and electric bills will be here this week. We have 2 birthdays and Easter to celebrate within the next 2 weeks. Maury had his final interview for the job that seems like it would be a good and much needed change for us. They called him back on Friday and said it "looks promising" and to expect to hear from them on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, he is finishing up one job and has a little bit of stuff lined up here and there. Our house is still in foreclosure and we expect we'll have to move due to the cost of living as is in the City Limits.
These past 3 years have S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D me in ways I never knew needed stretching. I know now how much I can live without and have been awakened to abundance in ways I previously had missed. I do have peace and joy and have learned to be grateful for the simplest of pleasures and the feast that nature provides for the eyes everyday. My desire is to reap from that abundance and to do as much for ourselves as we can. To grow our own food and raise some meat, even dairy or goat. My eyes have been opened to the beauty of living in a way more closely related to our ancestors and less like the madness I see in our current situation.
I have come more to realize the desires of my heart from this poverty. Now I now what I want and what distracts me every time. My weakness revealed, my hope enlarged.
Today I can put no confidence in myself or my husband or in anyone elses flesh to deliver us from this need. I eagerly work, I do my part and I encourage us all to do more than we think we can, yet to trust the One who controls the winds and the rain to bring the harvest in due time.
"For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh." Philippians 3:3