We are broke, more broke than i can remember being.We have run out of milk, which is okay since I think that we depend on it more than water sometimes. Now the kids are forced to drink water which is filtered but our filter is in need of replacing so it is trickling out very slowly. There is a 25 lb bag of rice on the counter that we have been dipping into daily and I think it will last a while longer. There is a little butter, a bit of oatmeal, 1 and 1/2 dozen eggs, frozen veges and a bit of frozen meat that I am not sure what it is, lurking in our kitchen. I have $6 and about 1/8 tank of gas. The children all have medicaid now til next year and my husband and I will have it for the next 6 monthes, so our medicine is plentiful and paid for. My pay as you go phone is out of order and I don't know when it will be on again. Car insurance is past due, Cable internet connection is down and modem gone. Trash pick up is due for payment to continue service, and I am sure that water and electric bills will be here this week. We have 2 birthdays and Easter to celebrate within the next 2 weeks. Maury had his final interview for the job that seems like it would be a good and much needed change for us. They called him back on Friday and said it "looks promising" and to expect to hear from them on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, he is finishing up one job and has a little bit of stuff lined up here and there. Our house is still in foreclosure and we expect we'll have to move due to the cost of living as is in the City Limits.
These past 3 years have S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D me in ways I never knew needed stretching. I know now how much I can live without and have been awakened to abundance in ways I previously had missed. I do have peace and joy and have learned to be grateful for the simplest of pleasures and the feast that nature provides for the eyes everyday. My desire is to reap from that abundance and to do as much for ourselves as we can. To grow our own food and raise some meat, even dairy or goat. My eyes have been opened to the beauty of living in a way more closely related to our ancestors and less like the madness I see in our current situation.
I have come more to realize the desires of my heart from this poverty. Now I now what I want and what distracts me every time. My weakness revealed, my hope enlarged.
Today I can put no confidence in myself or my husband or in anyone elses flesh to deliver us from this need. I eagerly work, I do my part and I encourage us all to do more than we think we can, yet to trust the One who controls the winds and the rain to bring the harvest in due time.
"For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh." Philippians 3:3