Saturday, May 28, 2011

how hard!

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are always above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth." Colossians 3:1-2

the pile of dirty dishes that never stops
Mt. Clothsmore and its many peaks ranging from room to room and out to the clothsline and back again.
Bills, bills and bills
the way I often get avoided and rejected by the ones I love the most
resistance that meets every ounce of instruction and frustration that seeks root all day long
the unkind words and thoughtless judgements of those who mean well but know little
aching feet and cramping legs and a record of sleepless nights
the lack of cool air
the abundance of ridiculously diligent ants that won't quit,no matter what
a rude person or two serving in the public eye
news that seems to be bad
my mind
what I see and feel

It's so hard! The big tragedies, the huge tests and trials-those have been easier somehow, the stuff that others can see without you having to explain. When it's nobodies business and they tread carefully around what is said(to your face anyways)
It's these daily trials of repetitive failures and "Murphy's Law" the long haul and the stuff that you wrestle with day in and out over and over. It's the same old, same old.
and again I fall, I fail and flail and again I remember why...I am driven to my knees and don't even know what to ask for except help.
It isn't always pretty, the stuff above-often I can't even make it out, I can barely tell it's there. But if I go low enough, if I fall on my face and cry out-confess my little faith and doubts and fears, if I can go that low again.As often as it takes. Then I find a way to let go, even if there is nothing big to see, when I am crushed and squeezed and the breath of the enemy heavy and hot on my heels seeks to snag and consume me. I resist, but I can't fight- so I surrender again.
My way for His way
My lowness for His Highness
My wrong for His Right
It's hard to find the above from here below...

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