Today a very good friend of mine said that neither I nor my husband will "let someone tell us what to do" I do not take this as a compliment! It was said in the context of a conversation in which I was sharing our decision to seek wise counsel about the serious financial rut that we are in. God has always provided for us everything that we need and more. We are not perfect. I am a stay at home mom who teaches and trains 4 boys and 1 girl everyday of the year. I am committed to being an excellent wife and mother. Financially I have gone from a clueless brat to a grateful child. My husband is on the same track. We are both in need of wisdom from the Lord in how to live.
We have received so much help from the church and yes, even the government. Relatives who are not Christ lovers have blessed us and helped us in many ways.
Our lifestyle is not extravagant, though we do tend to rent too many movies and never plan trips. We want more. To be debt free and able to live without worry that the money to pay the electric bill will never come in. To have a 401k and a college fund for each child. To be average. To take the yearly trips to Disney, pay for every trend and consume only the finest of fare. We deserve it...right? As I was speaking to a trusted mentor and friend about our many needs and my frustration with same old problems, my desire for a 401k, she said,"Yeah, but where is God going to be glorified in a 401k?" I get it, everytime I start with my complaint and this line of "don't I need to have it all together(on the outside) to bring God all the glory and impress everyone with his order and goodness" thing, he reminds me of this 1/2 inch biography of George Mueller that I read about once a year.
You see, George rescued and raised many orphans in England when there was no extra money around. It is said that once he set the table and then prayed, thanking God for the food and blessing it. The trouble on that table was that there was no bread. Imagine being a child at that table! Then the knock on the door-a unplanned visitor with food for their meal. God is real.
I am not saying that I want to live in such a way to willingly put God to the test by being a poor steward then relying on Him to come through for me. I am saying that we are doing what we are being led to do and things seem to be getting worse not better(from our narrow view)Is faith believing that if I do A, B and C then God will bless me and my problems will vanish? NO!!!!! That is the way of the religious heart, not a heart that knows that God is Good and can praise Him when the tides don't change and the famine continues. Who isn't dependent on it's own goodness to carry it through but leaning heavily on God in every way. To know Him, to fellowship in His sufferings, to love Him- that is the call.
"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."-Jer 17:8
Is fruit being born? Yes! Praise God, I am learning to go deeper in my root system, to search for the living water and to believe in the one who rules the weather. Drought is not forever for us! Thank you Jesus. Our leaves are green alright, we are green all over!
Our decision to go to the counselor is in hopes of finding an objective party who is not soaked in our worldly secular society who understands our priorities of raising kids before buying more, bigger, better stuff. So, the comment didn't sit well with me. Because "thou dost protest too much" I have to ask myself,"Is this true?" I know that it is. I struggle with pride. Call it independence, call it knowledge and a need to know. The Lord calls it pride and it is not a virtue. It opened up hell and brought sin to all humanity, it is the beginning of the end-and it is so sneaky!!
I very rarely will ask what I should do and will just forge ahead with great ideas I have formulated from experience, what I have heard and what I have found out.
I decided right then and there to ask my man(we were on a long road trip)How many times a week he thought I should be working out. What he thinks I should be eating and what time I need to go to bed with said wake up time of 5:30. Some of his answers surprised me. Especially about the diet. He has much higher standards for me(based on my physical conditions)than I knew.
I am going to do what he recommended! So there-my first step in letting someone who loves me tell me what to do. And yes, I am also going to apply that same attitude to my relationship with the Lord. Aren't you proud of me for repenting??(ha)