learning curve

Thank you God, for grading me on a great big curve
For being so patient with my obstinance and big ideas of how to be better.
So the question I feel that I need to ask myself each and everyday is;
What if nothing ever changed?
What if I never wear a single digit size of pants ever again(this side of eternity)
What if we are always just barely getting by on our income
What if I never change for the better
What if I forget to pray
What if I ask for the wrong things
What if someone I know lives in sin
What if I live in sin
What if everything gets worse
What if I can't do anything to stop the worse from happening
What if Church is always somehow not right
What if I forget to be good
What if we always sleep in
What if we eat the wrong food
What if nobody likes me
What if nobody likes us
What if nobody cares
What if I say the wrong thing
What if God isn't who I think He is
What if, what if? What if....
Matthew 12;22-48
As I have really thought and prayed a lot lately about my long list of shortcomings and failures, it all really came full force when I read a blog about striving.
Why do I embrace striving?
Again, there is a balance-to not strive does not mean to not try, it means to not try harder.
in other words,"enough is enough already"
I get so caught up in what I want and what I think, I don't give God any room to move in me, or rather I resist His movement in me. The path becomes blocked with sticks and stones and stumps and trash. Disappointment, un-forgiveness, bitterness, anger, control.
The only way to clear this path?
Sit down, shut up and listen- "STOP!"
Wait on the Lord.
I get so caught up in trying to pick my way through the junk and clear my own path that I fail to notice that I am exhausted and I am not getting anywhere. Then, the LORD in His mercy, grabs me up and sets me down, again.
I am listening now, LORD.
So He says,"Remember who I am, what I can do, my capabilities, I am fierce and mighty, Holy and not like you, I am the Only One who can do what I do and oh yeah, I love you. Just like you are...still. So be still and know that I am God. Live like you believe Me. It is not me who is impatient, I have plans and I will see them through. I don't need your help, you get to help-Strive not to please even yourself, let go and let life happen. Deny yourself daily,take up your cross daily and follow me daily. I've got the whole world in My Hand. That includes you, I created you and I chose you for such a time as this. I will not fail.I love you."