Givin up

Have you ever given up?
As in realizing that there is something that you value more than the Lord and His leadership and you find yourself running to that thing and looking forward to that thing more than Him. You realize that you have an idol, a false idol that must be taken down and all worship thereby repented of so that true fellowship with the Father can be restored.
Have you ever heard Him ask you to give something to Him?
Give it up.
I have. and I did. Then I ran up to the altar when I thought no one was looking and I stole it back. I changed its name and dressed it differently in hopes that no one would recognize it and I could even live peacefully in deception myself with the same old substitute. The pattern drives deep. I am in my many years later with my habitual sin. God has opened my eyes to my own desperate measures and shown me that I do not need to hide from Him to come clean.
Again I am confounded by His attention to little ol me and my "little ol" sin.
But I willingly give it up.
I choose Him because of Him.
I know what to do, He makes it quite clear what I am to do instead of;
for example-
Instead of complaining...give thanks, praise Him and trust Him with the situation
Instead of looking to ? to satisfy-stop, drop and pray, look to Him to bring true satisfaction
Instead of judging, forgive
Instead of gossip, shut up
Instead of pity, rejoice in your trials

and I could go on.
Right now I get it and I do not want to forget it! The peace and the joy and the stillness that my soul is experiencing in this place of Him and me, I don't want to lose it. The Trust is happening and the fruit is love.
There is no change on the outside-but I am getting it more now. Fear of returning to the place where I worship my idol and indulge my self with sin could drive me to worry but instead of worry I am to...not worry-
Deny myself, take up my cross and follow hard after You.
Luke 9:23,24
23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
I thank You God for every failure of the false-every trial that I have that only brings me closer to you. For the privilege of rising above if I will let go below.
You are so good to me and to all who love you and are called according to Your purpose. For it is in losing my life that it will be gained.
"24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
I never knew I had a life until I met You.